My ability to stay present in the touch, in the hands and fingers made the whole difference while giving the massage. If I became unaware and lost focus and contact with my hands, I could feel that the quality of the touch changed.
I tried to catch it and see why it happened. Was I insecure in how I should do it, was I busy looking at the others or did I think about what I was going to do tomorrow. Maybe I did it on autopilot doing it in a way that I would like to receive massage. Or I had a body posture that was uncomfortable for my body.
When I lost contact with my hands I didn`t actually know what they were doing; the grip could become hard or to loose. Or I was just fumbling around while thinking “I don`t know what to do”. The energy did not flow and it got more staccato. I started to breath more superficial and I felt I got easily tired.
If I was tense or hurting in my body, my awareness would go to my back or knee and not into my hands. Bansi was all the time reminding– “How is your body posture, is this good for you? If not, change it. How is your breathing? Stay connected with your breath!”
How you are feeling, the one who is receiving massage also will feel – Bansi
How did I come back to myself?
By stopping when I catched myself being somewhere else then in my hands, and always coming back to my breathing. Remembering what Bansi said in the beginning: “Connect with your core – and massage out from that space”.
When I was totally present in my body and connected with myself and my breathing, I didn`t think about that I was giving massage. It was just in a flow, it was like diving into my friends` body. I didn`t get tired, rather the other way around. I was filled up.
This was my first massage course, and really an opportunity to practice and integrate meditation in my daily life while learning something new. And to feel the loving atmosphere and support from Bansi and friends – made it easy to be new.
Before this course happened a long process of letting go of the old had been going on in me. In this period I repeatedly was confronted with the question of what will happen after the let go of the old and secure…? But the longing to live in harmony with myself was too strong and a process of transformation had been ignited looong ago and moving on independently of the “old me”. At a point I experienced an opening for something new.
The course happened and the sharing of knowledge was flowering unobstructed, a growing feeling of abundance, fullness came. The room with all the participants was filled with presence, relaxation, everyones energy was shining….the new was really happening…I could see it reflected in them
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