Mindful Self-Compassion – Becoming your own best friend
A conversation with Mumina
Psychotherapist and teacher Mumina Katarina Lundblad is one of Sweden's most experienced teachers of mindfulness and self-compassion. From 24–28 February 2027, she will be coming to Dharma Mountain to teach Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC), an evidence-based programme developed by psychologists Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer.
We asked her to tell us more about why self-compassion is so important—and why this approach has become so meaningful for people around the world.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion means treating ourselves with the same kindness, care, and understanding that we would offer a good friend when life is difficult. It is about recognising that pain, life's challenges, and making mistakes are all part of being human, and meeting these experiences with warmth rather than self-criticism.
In Mindful Self-Compassion, we learn to become aware of our habitual self-criticism and develop new ways of relating to difficult emotions, challenging relationships, and life's struggles. We also become more attentive to what we truly need. One of the central questions we return to throughout the programme is: What do I need right now?
MSC is built on three core principles:
Self Kindness – responding to ourselves with warmth and kindness when we are struggling or feel inadequate, rather than with self-criticism.
Common humanity – recognising that pain, difficulties, and imperfection are part of the human experience. No one is perfect.
Mindfulness – being consciously present with our experience without avoiding our feelings or becoming overwhelmed by them.
How is self-compassion different from self-pity?
Self-pity is not the same as self-compassion. When we fall into self-pity, we easily become identified with our suffering. We may begin to ruminate, asking ourselves questions such as, "Why does this always happen to me?" and come to see ourselves as victims.
Self-compassion, on the other hand, means consciously acknowledging our suffering and turning towards it with kindness. We become curious about our experience: What am I feeling right now? Where do I notice it in my body? What thoughts are connected with this feeling?
Through MSC, we learn to meet ourselves with a sense of safety, care, and comfort when life is difficult. This way of relating to ourselves fosters presence, courage, and the capacity to respond constructively to our own suffering.
Self-pity:
"Everything is going against me. It's always like this. It's hopeless. No one understands me."
Self-compassion:
"This hurts right now. I feel lonely. Every human being experiences feelings like these from time to time. I allow myself to feel this way right now."
Why are so many of us self-critical?
There are many reasons why the inner critic becomes so strong.
We live in a culture shaped by high expectations and constant pressure to achieve, and many people base their sense of self-worth on what they accomplish. If we have grown up with criticism, rejection, or unrealistic expectations, we may begin directing that same critical voice towards ourselves.
Self-criticism can also become an unconscious strategy for protecting ourselves from shame. If we criticise ourselves first, it may feel as though we are protecting ourselves from criticism by others. In the same way, we may make ourselves "smaller" in order to fit in more easily.
People who have experienced trauma often develop a particularly strong inner critic as a way of creating a sense of control.
We are also influenced by constantly comparing ourselves with others, as well as by family and cultural patterns in which achievement, self-control, and avoiding mistakes are highly valued.
Psychologist Paul Gilbert, the founder of Compassion Focused Therapy, describes self-criticism as an originally protective strategy. It is trying to help us by saying: "If I criticise myself enough, I won't make any more mistakes or be rejected."
What is important to understand is that the nervous system does not distinguish between criticism coming from outside and criticism coming from within. When we criticise ourselves, we activate the same threat system as if someone else were attacking us. The body shifts into survival mode—fight, flight, or freeze—and releases the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol.
When we respond to ourselves with self-compassion instead, the body's soothing and safeness system is activated, along with the release of oxytocin, a hormone that promotes calm, connection, and a sense of belonging.
Research shows that self-compassion does not make us less motivated. On the contrary, it reduces the fear of failure, strengthens resilience, and helps us learn from our mistakes and recover more easily from life's challenges.
You often talk about the Window of Tolerance. What is it?
The Window of Tolerance is a model developed by Professor Daniel Siegel that describes how our nervous system regulates stress and emotions.
When we are within our window of tolerance, we are in balance. We feel safe, present, able to think clearly, communicate effectively, and draw upon our previous experiences.
During periods of stress or overwhelm, we may move outside this window.
Hyperarousalis a state of heightened activation in the nervous system—the body's fight-or-flight response. We may experience anxiety, stress, irritability, anger, restlessness, physical tension, and difficulty concentrating.
Hypoarousal Hypoarousal is a state of reduced activation associated with the body's freeze response. We may feel numb, ashamed, or worthless, lose touch with our bodies, experience brain fog, or withdraw from other people.
Many people spend long periods in one of these states without realising it because they identify with the feeling itself.People living with trauma may also move back and forth between hyperarousal and hypoarousal, which can be deeply confusing.
Through MSC, we learn to recognise these nervous system responses and practise exercises that gradually help us return to safety, presence, and balance.
The window of tolerance – is a psychological model that shows the optimal arousal level in our nervous system.
Many people struggle with shame. How do you work with shame in MSC?
Shame may be the most difficult emotion we experience. At the same time, it is one we rarely talk about. Many people even feel ashamed of feeling shame.
Most of us have never learned how to meet shame in a healthy way.
In Mindful Self-Compassion, we first learn to name the feeling. We explore where we experience it in the body, what it feels like, and we meet it with kindness and care rather than turning away from it.
In MSC, shame is understood as an innocent emotion. At its deepest level, it reflects a profoundly human longing to be loved and to belong.
Did you know that ...
Research shows that practising self-compassion can:
• reduce anxiety and depression
• strengthen emotional resilience
• reduce self-criticism
• help prevent burnout and compassion fatigue
• improve relationships
About Mumina Katarina Lundblad
Mumina Katarina Lundblad is a psychotherapist and trauma therapist who works in psychiatric care in Sweden. She is a certified teacher of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) through the Center for Mindfulness in the United States and teaches Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC), Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness, and Compassionate Inquiry. She has worked with mindfulness, meditation, psychotherapy, and personal development for more than twenty years and is the co-author of several books on mindfulness and Mindful Self-Compassion.
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Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) course. 24.-28. February, 2027. Read more her.
